Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
