Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
