i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
