i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
