just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize