And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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