i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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