whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
