In the future we'll all be gay
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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