I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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