Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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