She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
