He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She bit a glass in half.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
