i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just high enough for therapy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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