They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
