Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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