my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
