...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
