piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
