Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
