do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
