I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
