hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
