I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
