Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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