I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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