What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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