imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize