still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
