oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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