I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
