Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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