Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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