i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
