Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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