maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize