What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
