I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
