Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Its about making memories worth repressing
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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