No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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