LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
