Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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