Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
