You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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