I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
