it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
