Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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