these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The air was thick with penises
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
