we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
