this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
