Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
