i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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