I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
