today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
