as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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