You're my little dorito
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
