there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i will never coherently bang her
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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