I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
