DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This toilet bowl is my home.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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