It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize