yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
