well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
