she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
