You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
