I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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