I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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