I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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