Your face is a jimmy john
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
