It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
