I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
