I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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